“Wisdom begins when a man finds out that he does not know what he thinks he knows.” - Plato
The Six-Step Process is an extraordinarily effective way to remove barriers to love and to thereby increase happiness in those who choose to use it. There are, however, a few pitfalls to be aware of. The ego’s very survival is threatened by this process. It is sly and even vicious in its endeavor to reassert itself. Here are the most common challenges:
1) Step Two: Me. It’s about me.
Do not stray from Step two. I cannot emphasize this enough. Do not fall for the temptation to “justify” your feelings. It is so easy and tempting to admit or recognize that you are upset (Step one) and then immediately either tell yourself or others why you are upset. The
trained mind will say: “I am not upset for the reason I think.” And then start the necessary inquiry into which belief chose the upset.
2) Beware the spiritualized ego!
The spiritualized ego knows the language, can quote spiritual platitudes with the best of them and can smile under any circumstance - even while seething. The spiritualized ego is not interested in doing the work. Why would it? That would bring about its demise. It is merely hell bent, in protecting an image.
There are many examples of this little creature at work. Here are a few: “I felt ignored by her, but I know that was just a cry for love on her part.” “Ah, your mother died? Oh well, just remember you are not a body and she wasn’t either!” “I hear you are getting a divorce, I wonder how you created that?” “He yelled at me, attacked me verbally in the most horrific fashion, I was terrified, but I know he is innocent.” “When you did that, you made me feel absolutely worthless, but I know I am innocent.” Please note the seductive quality of the spiritualized ego: it is always justified in it’s pain and suffering - always right that it was someone else’s doing AND always ready to state the spiritually mandatory: “It is just an illusion.” That last line is really important to intercept. If you are upset in any way at all it is not an illusion to you at that time. Don’t let a spiritualized ego prevent you from going through the six steps as needed.
3) Using this work as a weapon.
Couples who are both familiar with this work can sometimes use it as ammunition. It is not uncommon for a couple, who have temporarily forgotten who they are, to ask angrily “What are you believing? You know this is about you!” This is likely to act as a red flag to a bull. Rather, you can only help another to process what is going on with them if you are at peace yourself. Only when you are truly at peace can you ask that important, loving, question: “Tell me how you are feeling? You are believing something that could not be True. What do you think it might be?”
4) Using “I am innocent” as an excuse for bad behavior.
This is a tricky one. We have had more than one person at the center who came with a substance abuse issue or two and then would say at one point in a circle: “I can now go back home and do a line of coke without feeling guilty.” NOOOO! This is a dramatic misunderstanding and abuse of the work. If you know that you are innocent, if you know who you are in Truth, it would not even occur to you to engage in an activity or habit, which could only spring from self-hatred. Impossible.
5) Settling for merely “better than before”, the proverbial “seven” of happiness on a scale of one to ten.
This is a common pitfall. If you were a minus 236 (on a scale of happiness which officially runs from 0-10) when you started and you are now a two the ego may tell you “well done, that is good enough” do not fall for it. You deserve to be happy, that is your birthright, claim it! I have also found that even being at a seven on that scale of happiness is not safe. The three missing will start growing again. Vigilance and discipline, two dirty words to the ego, commit to them! You are so worth it!
6) Processing while not ‘in the feeling’.
If you do not connect to your feeling to trace back to a belief and instead use your thinking to seek out a situation from the past, this becomes an intellectual exercise, and it will not work. Intellectually it makes absolutely no sense that I felt responsible for the WWII camps I was in as a newborn, but feeling revealed that insane belief.
7) Using my ego mind to say the forgiveness formulas.
If you are speaking with your ego mind saying for example: “Forgive me for believing I am unlovable”, while allowing the ego voice in the background to say: “You’re full of shit. It’s not true. You’re a fraud!” then you’ll notice that the feeling does not shift. The process is not so much the words that are said, but the intention behind them, which must be to hand over your beliefs to your higher Self and actively step into being present with your higher Self.
8) Frustration that processed beliefs return.
Beliefs can be tenacious little beasties. Don’t beat yourself up that once again you got triggered - it happens to all of us. Be patient. This is not an instant fix. This is a method for changing your mind. That is all it is. Do not make yourself wrong. Be prepared to go through the Six Steps over and over and then again. So often I have heard people say: “I did that process yesterday” yes, … and? Clearly the belief may be weakened but it is still there. Get back to your process immediately.
9) Be impatient.
I have noticed a tendency for “spiritualized patience” which really is nothing other than a nice word for “indulgence”. If you’re feeling lousy, why would you be patient? If you feel badly, you are believing something that is not true - get to work immediately. Process the feeling, take it back to the belief and correct that belief. Do not pass “GO” till you feel great. Do not wallow in feeling sorry for yourself and have your ego tell you: “I am working on it” No, you are not. You are feeding an old belief, a nasty old wolf and an addiction. Cut it out. Just get back to Step Two.
10) Step Two.
Did I mention that already?
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