I recently accompanied my sister to a chemotherapy treatment. We enjoyed a beautiful drive down the island - the sun was shining, the water was sparkling, and the road was edged with summer greenery. When we arrived at the hospital it was very busy, and we were seated in a small nook for her treatment, because the main room was full. She sat in her reclining lounge chair, and was hooked up to intravenous fluids that dripped into the vein in her arm. There was a little table on wheels beside her chair, and I sat kitty-corner to her on a visitor’s chair. We talked at times, sipping coffee and tea that volunteers brought around. Sometimes we sat in silence, enjoying the day and each other’s company. Nurses came and went
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My work with Choose Again began three years ago in April of 2012. I arrived at the center filled with fear, feeling defeated by life, crippled with old habits and generally miserable. Mine was a case of all or nothing, I had to find a better way of thinking and being or there was not much point in going on. I had spent 25 years desperately seeking fulfillment in external things, drugs and alcohol, food, money, relationships – everything to try and fill up a kind of dull empty, “missing” feeling. I treated everyone in my life as though it was their responsibility to make me happy, Yesterday, we hiked up to the Big Tree, one of my favourite hikes. It can be rigorous, with a steep uphill climb, a stream crossing over slippery stones, and occasionally some muddy patches. The Big Tree is really not very big, but it looks it until you get quite close. The view from the tree is spectacular, It is a multidimensional sighting of a long streatch of Lake Arenal, the houses and roadway of the tiny town of Rio Piedros below us, the windmills on a nearby bluff, and miles and miles of gentle rolling hills, in all different shades of green. Calves, cows horses and trees dot the landscape, and I often feel here that I am living in a time far removed from the present. Recently I had the privilege of addressing a group of people at the annual Vancouver Wellness Fair. The subject of the talk was ‘Is there a non-pharmaceutical solution to depression?’ At the start of each talk I asked if anyone personally knew someone who suffered from depression and everyone, every single individual, raised his/her hand. Now, that is astonishing. That gives you an idea of how the idea of depression has taken hold of our collective psyche. It is not too outrageous to state that we as a species are depressed. It’s 3 am on the night before my first badminton match of the Beijing Olympics. I’ve tossed and turned for four hours now and still no closer to falling asleep. My roommate in this tiny room snores peacefully beside me, which does nothing but increase my anxiety.
I imagine my family, sleeping soundly I’m sure, crammed into the small Beijing apartment they’ve rented for the week. Halfway around the world they’ve come to cheer me on. I must not disappoint. Relax. Relax. Relax, damn it- I tell myself. But I can’t, my mind is racing and I have no control of where it’s going. I’m paralyzed, fear is running this show. Finally, as the sun begins to rise, my mind tires and I’m able to sleep a few precious hours. The alarm goes and my mind jumps out of its temporary slumber, skips the warm up and goes straight back to full speed ahead.
Do we really need a ‘season’ to be jolly? Doesn’t this imply that December is a great season so you should be jolly? Is it the season that makes me jolly? I can say for certain there have been times during the Christmas ‘season’ when I’ve felt everything but jolly. If it were the season that made me jolly, wouldn’t I be happy throughout the entire month of December? When taken out of context can I still be ‘jolly’ if being in Costa Rica doesn’t really feel like a typical December season?
It’s an interesting experience being in a tropical rainforest during the Christmas Season. 1) When in a busy location (school, shopping centre, public transit) or even during a family dinner. Take a moment to look at the people around you. Focus your attention on one person and say to yourself. “What I see in you that I love about myself is my…” then go ahead and list what it is you see in the other person that reflects the innocence within you. Another form of this same strategy invites you to state “What I see in you that I struggle with in myself is my…” and list a trait you judge yourself for having. Once identified, ask
Every day I walk the 72 steps from my room to the dining room or our circle space. It is a beautiful stroll, often accompanied by the songs of many birds or the lively communication from the monkeys.
Halfway up the walk there is a hibiscus branch which overhangs the path. Right above the |
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