My work with Choose Again began three years ago in April of 2012. I arrived at the center filled with fear, feeling defeated by life, crippled with old habits and generally miserable. Mine was a case of all or nothing, I had to find a better way of thinking and being or there was not much point in going on.
I had spent 25 years desperately seeking fulfillment in external things, drugs and alcohol, food, money, relationships – everything to try and fill up a kind of dull empty, “missing” feeling. I treated everyone in my life as though it was their responsibility to make me happy,
which never worked of course. And I was not very grateful for anything, though I had so many things to be grateful for.
By the time my brother killed himself for these same reasons I was already exhausted and near the end. I was exhausted from pretending that things were going to change, but doing nothing to make that happen. Every day the same routine, guilt, regret, self-loathing, self-medicating. And now I had a great alibi… people will generally let you get away with a lot more self destruction when you’ve just lost a relative. So I used that tragedy for as long as I could get away with it.
Finally I work up one morning and knew that either something had to change that day, or it was all going to end that day. I made the call to the center and bought a ticket. This decision saved my life. It is as simple as that.
Since being at Choose Again I have learned to stop blaming people and circumstances past and present. It’s a terrible and unnecessary burden to haul around ones resentments for so long. Though I cherished my special story of being a helpless victim, it nearly cost me my life, and all for the sake of defending some unhappy character I had created by clinging on to guilt and blame.
Now a sense of peace and contentment rules instead of fear and anger. All that guilt and blame got replaced with gratitude for the lessons that were being offered and are being offered every day. My life now has very, very little drama or struggle because of this. Being happy is the norm, not the rare exception. And I don’t need to struggle or complain or find fault or be right about everything all the time now. Which is a tremendous relief, for everyone.
As for Choose Again, I have seen hundreds of people come through this place and transform some critical aspect of their identity that was bringing them down. For some this has meant a little more light and happiness in their lives, for many others it has meant and entirely new way of life, where applying the work we do in all things yields the natural result it has to offer – authentic peace and contentment.
Thank you, I look forward to seeing you. Come for a visit!
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