Choose Again Society
  • EVENTS
  • COSTA RICA RETREATS
    • Costa Rica Workshops
    • About El Cielo
    • El Cielo Residency
  • FRANCE WORKSHOPS
    • France Workshops 2023
    • About Les Labadous
  • COURSES
    • Half-day introductory Workshop
    • Practicing ACIM with Dawn Green
    • Mastering the Six Steps
  • Circles
  • Counselling
  • ABOUT
    • Diederik Wolsak with Dr. Gabor Maté
    • The Six Steps Approach
    • The Book
    • Our Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Donate
    • Videos
    • Library
    • Affiliations
    • Independent Evaluation
    • Blog
  • Contact

Choose Again Blog

Subscribe to our quarterly Newsletter here

Appreciating my pain - or  - how I stopped behaving like a madman.

3/1/2018

6 Comments

 
Picture
As strange as it may sound, emotional pain is an experience that I have come to appreciate, deeply.
No, I’m not a masochist. When I feel bad, or hurt, or upset in any way I still want to be free of that painful experience.
But along the way, I have come to see my pain in a new light.
I don't avoid it anymore. Instead, I found a new way of appreciating pain. It has opened me to more joy, more peace with myself and with others.

In the past, my usual way of dealing with pain was to suppress or repress it. Faced with emotional suffering, I tried to push the uncomfortable feelings into the dark corners of my mind. From those corners, the pain would eventually find its way into the body, appearing as disease.
Such ways of coping are not wise, loving, or effective in the long run. When I rejected my emotional pain, I was rejecting a natural response from my mind that was calling me to healing.
Emotional pain is, in fact, an expression of an intelligent inbuilt mechanism that tells me - "hey buddy, there is an issue in your thought-system. Please pay attention".
But somehow this message gets misunderstood. Instead of relating to the pain as a natural, healthy function of my mind, the experience of pain is occluded by the idea that "I should not be feeling this way."

When pain appears, I can easily be tempted to judge it. I somehow believe that it judges me, condemns me. I believe that my pain means something (bad!) about me. I assume that the presence of pain signals that there is something at fault with me.
If I adopt this view, I will naturally want to reject the pain, to suppress or repress it. And in so doing I will not allow pain to serve its natural function in my life.

But if I want to be at peace and be truly healthy, I must learn to see uncomfortable emotions differently. I must find a way to relate to unpleasant feelings in a way that does not move me to reject them, but can allow me to embrace them, and be served by them.
I'll try to illustrate the point.  Please forgive me for the nerdy metaphor:
Let’s say I’m Elon Musk. I am driving along in my Tesla model 3 on a sunny day in Silicon Valley. Suddenly a signal appears on the car's swanky control panel. It's a problem in the battery system.
Now imagine Elon, upon seeing the signal, stopping and getting out of the car.  Through his flowing tears, he screams to the heavens  - "Woe is me! I'm so bad! I'm so broken!"
Desperate, and with shaking hands, he takes out a wrench from the boot. He looks in terror through the front window to the flashing signal inside the car.
“Bad signal!” barks Elon, as he smashes the control panel into tiny toxic smithereens. "Bad, bad signal! Don't you ever come back! Don't ever dare tell me that I'm broken!"
The point, that I am ever so subtly trying to make here, is that I used to be like this mad Elon (but without the money). I used to believe that the pain I was feeling meant there is something wrong with me. 

But what a relief to discover that emotional pain means nothing about me. The appearance of uncomfortable emotions is simply a natural, healthy function of my mind, signalling an error that is happening on the level of thought. 

Pain only (and always only) indicates that I am believing that I am separate from Love.  Because this is an impossible idea, when I use my mind to believe that I am separate from Love, I'm in fact entertaining an impossible idea.  My mind is being misused. It hurts.
Pain is like an alert system that goes off every time I misuse my mind to believe in separation. It allows me to recognize the error in my thinking, and to thus remember that I am never separate from the Love that made me. How can I not be grateful?

So now, when pain comes up - instead of pushing it away I simply open the hood of my mind and look. Once I'm under the mind's bonnet, I can identify the short circuit.
I say - "Oh, yes, I believe that I am separate from Love. How silly of me. Thank you, pain for allowing me to recognize this little glitch."
I then take my pliers. I reconnect the wires and re-ignite the engine. I get back in the car, rev up the silent electrical engine. I look at my control panel with love. Waiting to see if any signals come up. All clear.
And with the wind in my hair, I drive away singing my appreciation to the Lord of all engines, and to his lead mechanic.

“Thank God it's not true that I am separate!
Thank God I remember that Love is all there is!
And thank God this can never change.”

​Love, Gad
6 Comments
Elyse link
3/1/2018 09:27:19 am

Hi Diederik
Would you apply this to physical pain?
And what if unconscious resistance prevents emotions from surfacing ? I have attempted to get in touch with feelings yet many things remains conceptual. What would you suggest to help access either emotions or the false beliefs ?
I hope to hear from your team about choose again in Costa Rica .Blrsdings laughter and love Elyse

Reply
Anne link
3/1/2018 12:23:25 pm

Love this Gad!

Reply
Lacey
3/3/2018 11:50:07 am

Soooooooo good! Great metaphor! This makes total sense and puts it in a way that is easy to understand - and so true! Grateful :)

Reply
Diane Simard
3/3/2018 02:24:51 pm

Great way to see it clearly, I could use this when explaining the process of the 6 steps to freedom. Blessings all around. Thank you

Reply
Gabrielle Kamber
2/12/2020 04:51:50 am

This is super! Helps a lot to go with the truth and wind in the hair !

Thank you

Reply
European Wisconsin link
3/14/2021 10:30:44 am

Hello matee nice blog

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Categories & Authors

    All
    Author - Andrew Burt
    Author Anne Andrew
    Author - Anne Andrew
    Author - Dave Vass
    Author - Dawn Green
    Author Diederik Wolsak
    Author - Diederik Wolsak
    Author - Elaine Clark
    Author - Floris Odding
    Author - Gad Sprukt
    Client Perspectives
    Diet & Health
    Family
    Forgiveness
    Gratitude
    Intensive Retreat In Costa Rica
    International Workshops
    Meditation
    Parenting
    Practical Tips
    Recipes
    Relationships
    Sport
    Staff Feature
    The Six Steps To Freedom

    Archives

    November 2022
    April 2022
    December 2021
    December 2020
    May 2020
    October 2019
    July 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    July 2011
    June 2011
    March 2011
    December 2010

    RSS Feed

Read an independent evaluation of our program

Choose Again Evaluation.pdf
File Size: 476 kb
File Type: pdf
Download File


QUESTIONS?

Contact Us

GET daily INSPIRATION TO YOUR EMAIL

Subscribe Now
SOCIAL MEDIA

Circles

COUNSELLING

RetreatS COSTA RICA 

Diederik's Book


SEARCH THE SITE

  • EVENTS
  • COSTA RICA RETREATS
    • Costa Rica Workshops
    • About El Cielo
    • El Cielo Residency
  • FRANCE WORKSHOPS
    • France Workshops 2023
    • About Les Labadous
  • COURSES
    • Half-day introductory Workshop
    • Practicing ACIM with Dawn Green
    • Mastering the Six Steps
  • Circles
  • Counselling
  • ABOUT
    • Diederik Wolsak with Dr. Gabor Maté
    • The Six Steps Approach
    • The Book
    • Our Staff
    • Testimonials
    • Donate
    • Videos
    • Library
    • Affiliations
    • Independent Evaluation
    • Blog
  • Contact