​​Everything is a Neutral Fact
 
Lessons you can share with your kids or with your inner child.
By Anne Andrew
 
#1 Everything is a neutral fact
These are just facts:

• School’s out.
• I broke the window with my soccer ball.
• Mum or Dad yelled (parents do that sometimes!)​

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​ There’s nothing inherently upsetting about these facts, but we may feel good or bad about them because of our thoughts about them. The good news is that we can change our thoughts – we are in control of our thoughts. That’s pretty good to know!
 
Facts have no emotion attached to them in and of themselves. However, we react to facts based on our beliefs (ideas) about ourselves. It is your thoughts that cause you to feel bad. So, if mom or dad yells at you, you are likely to be upset – not by the yelling itself, but by what you think it means about you.
 
It is just a fact that the person in front of you is going red in the face, looking angry and speaking at a higher volume than usual, but you are upset about this if you have a made-up idea about yourself that is being triggered.
 
The following made-up ideas would likely be triggered by this scenario:
 
I’m not safe
I’m bad
I’m guilty
I’m not loveable
I’m powerless
 
It is almost certain that you have all these beliefs and more. The reason is that you were a tiny being when you came into the world and you are looked after by big people who share these made-up ideas. It can be terrifying at times! It is important to know that these ideas are not true.
 
Action Steps:
List your ‘triggers’ as statements of fact. So, for example, if you were upset by something your friend said to you or the reaction of your sister, or something you did that was clumsy, just
write:
 
My sister laughed when I broke my favorite model airplane.
My friend called me stupid (or whatever it was).
I spilled juice on the carpet.
 
Now look at the list and see that when these are stated as facts they no longer have the same emotional charge.
 
Wanting things to be different than they are is painful. By stating facts, you now know that this thing happened. Wishing that it didn’t doesn’t help at all.
 
Actually, the fact that the trigger event happened can be a really good thing because if you have an emotional reaction to any event (or fact) you’ll know that you have an idea about yourself that isn’t true. You can learn how to find and fix those mistaken ideas. Eventually you may even be able to welcome triggers! We’ll work on that another time.

Anne Andrew

Anne Andrew is the author of What They Don’t Teach in Prenatal Class:  The Key to Raising Trouble-Free Kids and Teens and teaches workshops for parents in person and online. You can find this blog and other teachings here:

https://www.anneandrew.com/blog/choose-again-minis-lessons-you-can-share-with-your-kids-or-with-your-inner-child

What can possibly be awkward about silence?
It isn’t the silence that is awkward, it’s your thoughts, that you notice in silence, that are awkward. It is the mental process of figuring out how to stop the nagging voice in your head asking what is it that you need to say to fill the void, to impress, to impart information, to collude, or to invite so-called friendship. 

Question 1:  “If you get a 'bad' feeling about an interaction with someone, how can you tell if this bad feeling is just from the past coloring your perception of the present or a real intuitive warning that this person is not trustworthy and out to harm you?”  
 
This is not a simple question or one that can be answered quickly.

Remember Step 2? Step 2 says, unequivocally: It is about me. Any and all feelings are chosen by me and 'by me' I mean the 'self' I made up, a belief in other words. So the bad feeling may be chosen by a belief that I deserve to be punished for example and I see the 'punisher' in this person. Or it could mean that have done what I suspect this person 

There’s an inherent contradiction when it comes to doing spiritual work. If the answer lies within, then why travel somewhere else to find it? Simply meditate on the question, “Who am I,” and all will be revealed.
But what fun is that?
And how do I cultivate the humility, discipline and willingness to go within and heal in the first place?
The answer can sometimes be simple, by sharing the process with others.

Dear Friends,
We just completed three weeks of workshops in the South of France at Les Labadous, our home away from home. The workshops were, as always, incredibly effective and many a breakthrough was witnessed.
For this message, however, I want to talk a little about how my perception chooses my experience. This is, of course, a well known concept and one we teach consistently. Circumstances have nothing to do with my experience, my choice does.
Charlie and I took a few days between workshops and drove to the Mediterranean Coast